Tools for Managing our Shared Life
Feb. 2nd, 2026 07:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chameleons3A while back we made a post on tumblr about the tools we use to manage our shared life. I'm deciding to port it here today.
It's a work in progress tbh. We have enough information related executive dysfunction that makes this challenging. The best thing for us has been to acknowledge that we have to try things different times and accept that we are going to lose some of our work in the process. An incomplete setup is better than no setup at all.
It helps that we already have a robust tagging system in Obsidian that we can expand to other programs. Our file manager allows us to search by content as well as document name, so we can look for documents without necessarily remembering the name of it.
Our files also follow specific naming conventions so that they can be organized by date. This helps narrow things down. Mostly, this is a safety net for how much more difficult it's gotten to organize files since our system discovery and its resulting life events. Someday, we will get our files fixed up again, but it's just not feasible right now.
We have a shared journal where we'll talk about our day or our feelings. Each night we do what's called "our 5 minutes." Whatever is in our head, we spend 5 minutes, at least, engaging with it. Drawing, writing it down, or chatting about it in MultiChat. Having it be at least 5 minutes and linked to our bedtime routine makes it an achievable thing to do. And having it be "whatever is in there" means we don't worry about doing it "right" or "getting all the details in" (very Zahi moment, to wonder if we forgot something). We're experimenting with this format, also:
If we do our 5 minutes digitally, we make sure to tag it #five-minutes and try to also tag with whatever subjects came up. that way we can track down the 5 minutes across MultiChat, saved discord chat logs, our one big text file for 2025 journals, and so on. Yes, it would make more sense for the journaling to all be in one place. Pressure to keep it all in one place results in us not doing it at all, so we're using tags to compensate. The task that gets done is the one that has the fewest steps to start, therefore, if we have to grab whatever's in front of us, then that's what we do.
We also each have our own notebooks for various reasons. Sometimes one of us just wants to process something without the others. Using our own notebook is the "give me space, please," signal. Also creates continuity for that specific one of us that a shared journal may not allow for.
We do a lot of art to process, understand ourselves, and each other. Writing, digital drawing, and more recently, traditional drawing. As a couple of us reach for mixed media, it is insightful to notice who uses what materials and why.
We use a physical paper planner to organize our tasks, appointments, our days, events, project ideas, art we want to make, writing ideas, and so on. We're also experimenting with meal planning in there and jotting down notes on how we slept. We may or may not try front tracking in there as well, or mood tracking. (Simply Plural just did not work for us at all; neither did other digital tools.) In progress for this is figuring out how to consistently use our own colors to write and log things. Three pens is a lot to keep track of for us, shockingly. We might need one of those multi-pens.
It also helps that we use a discbound notebook system for this. Once we learned about this, it was a game changer. We can move pages around and add pages!
The biggest utility here is that we can't all do our projects at the same time. When we are bodily primed to make a thing or do a thing, and we all want to do it, it's very difficult to prioritize (hello ADHD). Having the list of who's been wanting to make what, and which of those is in progress or already done, helps us **decide who needs time** or needs a turn.
We budget with a Google sheet. It has the formulas already preloaded. This is a system we've used since before syscovery that still works for us. So as much as we're eugh about using Google here, we don't want to change something that's working.
That means that going for consistent walks required us to switch to slip on shoes. Yes, even just the added step of lacing up the shoes was enough to make it hard for us to do it. Should it? Doesn't matter! Do what works! It's way easier and quicker for us to go outside now. We walk and we ride our bike lots.
When we first got this job, we jotted down notes about work patterns throughout the day. This helped us with information about how to organize our day, our time, and set boundaries and good routines. We noticed that when we start our day in a specific room where the sun rise makes the room warm, we are more likely to get brain wiggles out of our system and actually start working at a reasonable time. So we started doing that. Make things as comfortable or sensorily pleasing as you can. This is especially useful for folks who are deeply sensory seeking (like Arini) or sensory averse (like Zahi). The less you have to *brace,* the more room you have to be OK and do what you need to do.
We also realized that bringing our laptop here meant that if we found our brain wandering toward work, we could just start; no barrier of moving ourself to the room with the desktop in it, where we're liable to get distracted or forget. Remove as many barriers between you and the task as possible. This is not just to help with our ADHD. It also helps us stay consistent and rely more on our nervous system memory and muscle memory. I don't want to be trying to think through what my next step is in the morning when I'm not sure if I'm Zahi, Arini, or Brick yet. We each have different enough priorities, depending on life events, that this could impact how the day goes anyway.
Hard tasks, like cooking, require staging. This means getting out pots, pans, ingredients, and tools before we start making the food. It helps us process that we have to do a hard task, walk away from it, and come back when we feel more spacious to try again. This is a way we remove barriers between us and a task. It also helps us set each other up for success. For example, if it's our turn to make dinner, then we have made that commitment. If one of us stages for making dinner while we're wrapping up lunch during our work day, any of us is more likely to actually make dinner when we're wandering to the kitchen after work. This means we are not relying on interoception, like hunger cues, to remind us to make dinner (extremely unreliable for some of us), but the environment.
It's a work in progress tbh. We have enough information related executive dysfunction that makes this challenging. The best thing for us has been to acknowledge that we have to try things different times and accept that we are going to lose some of our work in the process. An incomplete setup is better than no setup at all.
The Tools
the tl;dr, if you want it:- Obsidian to collect records about us, including important conversations with external folks, or screenshots.
- A robust tagging system
- Specific file naming conventions
- A shared journal
- A "just 5 minutes" daily ritual for said journal
- Individual notebooks and journals for when we want to journal on our own
- Art
- A physical paper planner
- Record keeping to help decide who needs time
- A spreadsheet for budgeting
It helps that we already have a robust tagging system in Obsidian that we can expand to other programs. Our file manager allows us to search by content as well as document name, so we can look for documents without necessarily remembering the name of it.
Our files also follow specific naming conventions so that they can be organized by date. This helps narrow things down. Mostly, this is a safety net for how much more difficult it's gotten to organize files since our system discovery and its resulting life events. Someday, we will get our files fixed up again, but it's just not feasible right now.
We have a shared journal where we'll talk about our day or our feelings. Each night we do what's called "our 5 minutes." Whatever is in our head, we spend 5 minutes, at least, engaging with it. Drawing, writing it down, or chatting about it in MultiChat. Having it be at least 5 minutes and linked to our bedtime routine makes it an achievable thing to do. And having it be "whatever is in there" means we don't worry about doing it "right" or "getting all the details in" (very Zahi moment, to wonder if we forgot something). We're experimenting with this format, also:
- One color for "what happened today."
- One color for "how we felt about it.
If we do our 5 minutes digitally, we make sure to tag it #five-minutes and try to also tag with whatever subjects came up. that way we can track down the 5 minutes across MultiChat, saved discord chat logs, our one big text file for 2025 journals, and so on. Yes, it would make more sense for the journaling to all be in one place. Pressure to keep it all in one place results in us not doing it at all, so we're using tags to compensate. The task that gets done is the one that has the fewest steps to start, therefore, if we have to grab whatever's in front of us, then that's what we do.
We also each have our own notebooks for various reasons. Sometimes one of us just wants to process something without the others. Using our own notebook is the "give me space, please," signal. Also creates continuity for that specific one of us that a shared journal may not allow for.
We do a lot of art to process, understand ourselves, and each other. Writing, digital drawing, and more recently, traditional drawing. As a couple of us reach for mixed media, it is insightful to notice who uses what materials and why.
We use a physical paper planner to organize our tasks, appointments, our days, events, project ideas, art we want to make, writing ideas, and so on. We're also experimenting with meal planning in there and jotting down notes on how we slept. We may or may not try front tracking in there as well, or mood tracking. (Simply Plural just did not work for us at all; neither did other digital tools.) In progress for this is figuring out how to consistently use our own colors to write and log things. Three pens is a lot to keep track of for us, shockingly. We might need one of those multi-pens.
It also helps that we use a discbound notebook system for this. Once we learned about this, it was a game changer. We can move pages around and add pages!
The biggest utility here is that we can't all do our projects at the same time. When we are bodily primed to make a thing or do a thing, and we all want to do it, it's very difficult to prioritize (hello ADHD). Having the list of who's been wanting to make what, and which of those is in progress or already done, helps us **decide who needs time** or needs a turn.
We budget with a Google sheet. It has the formulas already preloaded. This is a system we've used since before syscovery that still works for us. So as much as we're eugh about using Google here, we don't want to change something that's working.
What works for us if you want to try it.
The tl;dr, if you'd like:- Remove as many barriers between you and starting the task as possible.
- Do what works, and screw "should."
- The more we have to think about it, the less likely we are to do it. Make it as thoughtless and automatic as we can.
- Make it comfortable to do, or remove as much discomfort as possible.
- Stage required objects for hard tasks
That means that going for consistent walks required us to switch to slip on shoes. Yes, even just the added step of lacing up the shoes was enough to make it hard for us to do it. Should it? Doesn't matter! Do what works! It's way easier and quicker for us to go outside now. We walk and we ride our bike lots.
When we first got this job, we jotted down notes about work patterns throughout the day. This helped us with information about how to organize our day, our time, and set boundaries and good routines. We noticed that when we start our day in a specific room where the sun rise makes the room warm, we are more likely to get brain wiggles out of our system and actually start working at a reasonable time. So we started doing that. Make things as comfortable or sensorily pleasing as you can. This is especially useful for folks who are deeply sensory seeking (like Arini) or sensory averse (like Zahi). The less you have to *brace,* the more room you have to be OK and do what you need to do.
We also realized that bringing our laptop here meant that if we found our brain wandering toward work, we could just start; no barrier of moving ourself to the room with the desktop in it, where we're liable to get distracted or forget. Remove as many barriers between you and the task as possible. This is not just to help with our ADHD. It also helps us stay consistent and rely more on our nervous system memory and muscle memory. I don't want to be trying to think through what my next step is in the morning when I'm not sure if I'm Zahi, Arini, or Brick yet. We each have different enough priorities, depending on life events, that this could impact how the day goes anyway.
Hard tasks, like cooking, require staging. This means getting out pots, pans, ingredients, and tools before we start making the food. It helps us process that we have to do a hard task, walk away from it, and come back when we feel more spacious to try again. This is a way we remove barriers between us and a task. It also helps us set each other up for success. For example, if it's our turn to make dinner, then we have made that commitment. If one of us stages for making dinner while we're wrapping up lunch during our work day, any of us is more likely to actually make dinner when we're wandering to the kitchen after work. This means we are not relying on interoception, like hunger cues, to remind us to make dinner (extremely unreliable for some of us), but the environment.
